Discussing end-of-life care can be difficult. We may be afraid to broach the subject, especially if death is a subject not often talked about or avoided when growing up.
However, we know that having these kinds of discussions can lead to better quality of life in the final days, less stress and indecision around treatment plans, and more peace of mind when it comes to honoring our loved one's final wishes.
To help you organize your thoughts and prepare for this important conversation, follow our four-step plan to discuss end-of-life care with your aging parents.
How to Discuss End-of-Life Topics
When you discuss end-of-life topics, you will need to broaden your scope away from resuscitation and other specific medical issues.
In addition to those topics, you need to discuss fears, concerns, your loved one's physical needs, and any goals or preferences they may have for their care. By doing so, you will open up lines of communication, help to mitigate or avoid conflict and minimize fear and pain.
Plan Ahead and Avoid Surprises
Planning to have these conversations during the holidays gives you time to prepare and provides you with a comfortable setting. With that said, don’t keep this a secret. The last thing you want is to spring this on your aging parents or anyone else in your family.
Be open with everyone and tell them that you want to have this conversation. Explain what your expectations are, and start by making sure that everyone is open to discussing things.
Who knows, you may have family members who have had the same thought but have been afraid to bring up the subject. Just like you, they may not know where to start.
For the family meeting, you can outline the following agenda:
- Initiate the conversation by opening up with ground rules (be honest, be open, and listen)
- Clarify the goals of the conversation
- Have the discussion
- Develop an action plan
Include Everyone That Needs to Be There
Who should be a part of this conversation besides you and your parents? Your siblings? Grandchildren? Close friends? Make sure to include everyone that needs to be included. Be mindful of having too many people present at once. Remember, there can be multiple conversations and sharing of information afterward.
Put the Action Items and Plan in Writing
It’s one thing to talk about what you need to do or want to do, it is another to write it down. By putting your discussion in writing, you can assign tasks, create due dates to get legal and financial documents written and signed, and have a reference point. This should not be the last conversation you have on the topic of end-of-life care.
Be Open and Know Others Will Help
You need to be open to the idea that others can help. This means that you will share responsibility for your aging parents' end-of-life care. This can be a hard thing to share even with siblings, but remember that they want to help as well. Be open with your loved ones about your concerns.
End-of-life care and planning for it includes everything from financial planning to spiritual conversations. You cannot get to everything in an hour, but starting the conversation will open up future dialogue around a difficult topic.
Waiting until a health crisis occurs leads to making hasty decisions without really knowing our loved one’s preferences. And that's the last thing anyone wants.
Break the silence on this difficult subject and help everyone by initiating the conversation.
